Why am i so pissy today?
First an ex lover got on my nerves because i tried to be just friends with him and he just wouldn't stop veering in "that" direction. I don't wanna go there! It was over between us months ago. Why did he have to keep bringing it up? Give it a fucking break !!! And then he accused me for not having an interest in him. EXCUSE ME? An interest? An interest for what? I'm showing plenty of healthy interest as far as trying to be friends is concerned. I say hi pretty much every day i see him online. I ask him how things are going. I ask him the details. And you know what? I don't think he ever asked me back about the goings-on in my life. Does he know what my research is about? Does he know i'm waiting to hear from the National Science Foundation about my grant application (i know, isn't that exciting)? Did he ever ask about how my family's doing? No, no, no, and no. So who's not showing interest? Or rather, who's not showing interest beyond trying to lure me back into the romantics? Right buddy, that's you.
And then while i was still huffing and puffing over this, poor Matt walked into my office and started giving me shit about what i'm going to bring to Jim's barbecue tomorrow. Perfect timing. I could definitely use some more of people giving me shit over stupid little things. Of course Matt was only joking, but my reply to his friendly accusation was curt enough to send him off a little hurt. I ended up having to send an explanatory email and apologizing for what i did... Sorry Matt, it was just bad timing.
And then Ben... Ugh. No, he's not being a bad boyfriend. Somehow i was really in the mood to be bossy and pissy. I just wanted him to suck up to me, somehow... You know, sweet talk me and such. But of course he's not good at that, which pissed me even more. I hung up on him (accidentally). And then he called back and FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER IN OUR RELATIONSHIP I INDULGED MY ANGER AND REJECTED HIS CALL, just 'cause. Just 'cause i can. These whole five months i've been really good at keeping my calm about me, keeping my eyes on the bigger picture and not getting pissed off by the small unimportant things... Not tonight. I sent him off. And now i feel bad about it. But not bad enough that i'm going to call him back and say i'm sorry... Not yet. I'm still in the mood to get pissed.
(Sorry, Babe... I know i'm not supposed to let it out on you, but i couldn't help it).
Fuck you, ex lover. You ruined my evening. Congratulations.
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