On Compatibility

A few nights ago I had the pleasure of chatting with an old online friend that i haven't talked to for quite a while. We bantered through many different subjects, until eventually the topic of my love life came up. I told him i'm still seeing the same guy that i was dating three months ago when i last talked to him. I also told him that my boyfriend is a mechanic.

"Wow," he answered.
"What?"
"Is he intellectually compatible with you?"

He knows i've smarty-pants tendencies. He himself is a computer geek.

"Hmm..." I hesitated for a moment. "Honestly no, but really now i don't think it matters."

(Baby, if you're reading this please don't freak out).

For the longest time in my dating history, i have always dated a smarty-pants. I used to - and still do, actually - think that smart is hot. Nerdy guys, guys who read cool books, guys who go to grad school, cute guys with thick-rimmed glasses, guys with a pen tucked in their pocket. Yeah, i equate nerdy to cute and smart to h-o-t. But now what? I'm five months into a relationship with a guy who isn't at all academically inclined. Do i feel wanting for? Never for a moment. Am i happy? You bet.

I am in the happiest relationship of my life, and the object of my affection can't care less about how many more semesters he has until he can transfer out of community college. So yeah, for a person who's spent more than 21 years in school i'm definitely not dating someone with a like mind. What gives?

Well, for one i now realize that you don't have to be equals in order to be compatible. While i know i can't date a guy with the intelligence of a fruit fly, i also know now that i can still enjoy having a conversation with someone who's not as enamored with the sciences as myself. Ben and i talk a lot. We're really proud of the fact that we have a real communication between us. Our banters cover many different things, many of which he's more knowledgeable about than i am... Which brings me to my other point: My being in grad school doesn't make me the smarter half. What do i know about fixing cars and the details of engines? Next to nothing. And yet he's patient enough to explain to me all the little things every time the subject arises. I'm the academically inclined, he's the mechanically inclined.

Another thing that i realize now is that as far as predicting how well the relationship will go, setting up a baseline criteria for level of education is just as effective as saying "i want a guy who makes X amount of money" or "i want a guy who's taller than 6 ft." Can you know for sure that you'd be happier if you dated someone who's just the "ideal" height? Exactly. So Ben's a mechanic who's still going to school to be he doesn't know quite what, but the reality is it doesn't mean anything as far as his ability to love goes. In the past i've dated fellow grad students, a space scientist, an economics genius, an engineer, and so on and so forth. None of them came close to satisfying me mentally, emotionally, and physically as Ben can. BFD.

So, yeah... What's that again? Intellectual compatibility? Meh. It's overrated. At the end of the day, it all comes down to how well your personalities and characters mesh in with one another. It may be a predictor, but it's not all that matters. Ben and I are so different in many aspects, but i don't mind because i do feel that we perfectly complement one another...